I know that there are certain things that I simply cannot write here, not matter how much they preoccupy me in my day to day existence. Apart from the fact that they are very private thoughts (some, reflections of other people) these private/silent conversations with myself are centred around me: my faults, my foolishness, my weakness, my failings, my stumbles and falls.
The (self)censorship of this blog is done mainly for self-presentation. After all, who wants to appear in a negative light? Further, given that this blog is linked to my facebook account, there are potentially quite a number of people who can access my thoughts/writings here. But sometimes I do feel the need to vent some really personal stuff and the public nature of the blog prevents that. I write when I am upset, disappointed or frustrated. So I end up resorting to lengthy word-essays stored on my own computer.
I think it is also a nature of my existence at the moment. I am the oldest around my friends and thus serve as a source of answer, reassurance, and advice. While that is nice, there isn’t anyone left in my life whom I can confide in. Bottling things up can eventually lead to unfortunate outbursts but there just isn’t someone whom I can feel so comfortable in just spilling it all out. I have none of that. I do however have two great friends who are now in the UK and that is just not the same – not even with the convenience of digital communication.
